Frustration

Today was frustrating. I try to be positive about mostly everything, but a lot of things happened at school today that I didn't feel good about.

I feel like my relationship with Mrs. C was really off today - it was almost as if we were viewing two different classes of children. I saw some of our regularly mischevious boys on-task and working hard - she saw them being disruptive and kept them in at recess. I saw Cam poke De in the ribs several times, and when De finally told him to stop, De got yelled at and Mrs. C made him "flip his card" on our behavior chart. Unfair. Just because De acts up a little bit from time to time doesn't mean he is ALWAYS the one in the wrong. I know that Mrs. C can't have eyes everywhere - and everyone makes mistakes - but I hated to see De having such a good day and doing such a good job and then take the rap for someone else's misbehavior. He came in this morning SO happy and focused and ready to learn - and he left this afternoon sad and angry.

Mrs. C graded their math tests from last week - the ENTIRE class (all except for a few exceptional kids) did poorly on one section that, in my opinion, wasn't well explained. They got B's and C's and D's on the test as a result of their inability to tackle this section of the test. If I was a teacher and I gave a test where ONE question or one set of questions presented significant difficulty to the vast majority of my students - I would immediately blame myself and take responsibility for not doing a good job of teaching that section. I'd have just factored out that section and retaught it and put it on the next test. Some of our very bright students were stunned and upset that they got B-'s on their first test. And some of our lower-performing students were even further discouraged by the big red D's and F's they got on their tests. I am so surprised that in FOURTH grade Mrs. C would fail kids on the first test of the year. And she grades in RED! My mother (who taught second grade for YEARS) would be appalled. I thought you are never supposed to grade in red? Purple, green, orange, whatever. Not red.

I guess what I'm really frustrated about today was that Mrs. C and I just weren't on the same wavelength. I feel like I look for (and usually see) the very best in our kids - and she rarely complements them or finds them doing a good job. Her time is spent so much on trying to spot and reprimand bad behavior, that the whole classroom seems to just be so negative. This was evident today more than ever before. I know that she's an experienced and usually awesome teacher, but there were SO many discouraged little faces today, it just broke my heart.

Writing was another area that was suddenly in the spotlight today. Mrs. C made edits on everyone's rough drafts of their Lucy-Caulkins-style "detailed moment" papers. Some of the papers were great, and she edited for grammar and spelling. When I was walking around reading their work and looking at her edits, I noticed several spelling and grammar mistakes in HER work. What do you even say to that? All that aside, this was the moment when I was most upset today (other than seeing De miss recess for Cam's bad behavior)
Ru brings her paper over to me and says: "Miss G, can you help me?"
I read it... Ru had written, "The rollercoaster raced around like a tiger chasing its prey" - and Mrs. C had crossed out "rollercoaster" and written in "The blood in my head." Now Ru's paper (which was an entirely gorgeous work of 9-year-old literary genious) read, "The blood in my head raced around like a tiger chasing its prey"
Ru says: "Miss G, that wasn't what I meant."

WHY would you CHANGE a childs writing like that? I can see helping them with grammar or syntax or sentence structure or spelling or ANYTHING along those lines, but when you CHANGE their BRILLIANT WORDS, I just feel like that's hugely insulting to them as developing writers.

Sorry that this is dragging on - but one more frustrating moment. Ra started crying today, she went back to the corner chair and big tears just started rolling down her face. She wouldn't look at me, she wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't come out in the hall with me. The kid does great work when she puts her mind to it - she was SO focused this morning, and just had a meltdown this afternoon. She's really smart, and I think that a lot of the time in class she's actually just bored, and thats why she doesnt do her work or makes smart-aleck comments and is a little bratty. Mrs. C goes, "Whatever, she'll be fine" and LAUGHS and goes, "Oh Ra, cheer up, you're fine." I really think this kid has emotional problems... the school counselor has seen her, but its pretty evident in class that she needs more help. I feel like something is really wrong, and I want to help her, but I don't have the knowledge (or the Ph.D.) that is probably necessary. Mrs. C says she doesn't have the time or energy to deal with Ra's mood swings.

Mrs. C does care, but today I just didn't feel like she was seeing the kids the way I was seeing them. Maybe I am missing something, but I left school today just feeling really discouraged.

In better news, I'm doing Mi (though I'm calling him "Matt" for class/research purposes) for my Child Study and he is AWESOME. I watched him a lot today and he just cracks me up. I really like the little guy. He has a funny and sweet sense of humor. And he is a really good reader. He is SO enthusiastic in class - as he reads along with the text in literacy his little eyebrows go up and down and he opens his mouth in surprise when interesting things happen. In math, he raises his hand ALL THE TIME (even though he doesn't always know the answer when Mrs. C calls on him). He told me that he and his older brother share a room and read to each other each night before they go to bed. They take turns reading chapters from Harry Potter. Awesome.